Hearts in San Francisco - Union Square
It's funny how memories sneak up on you. This photo above was a rare moment in Union Square. Barely a soul in the normally bustling area. I was leaving the doctor's office and took a quick snap with my iPhone 3G. You can tell due to the blurry focus of the photo. It's a moment in time I recall so vividly despite how short and seemingly banal the moment was.
I came across the photo as I was perusing old photos on my computer. Loads of them. Mostly unorganized. I kept thinking how I meant to get them into proper folders so I could sort through them with ease. Suddenly, I gasped, "where are half of the 2013 photos?" To my horror, about half of the photos from my 2013 year were gone. Poof. Missing. Just like that. I have no idea where the photos went. They were on a separate hard drive. Did a folder somehow just get deleted? I can barely recall what photos are missing. Several outfit posts, sure. But, those don't break my heart as much as the personal photos I won't get back. Heartbroken really isn't enough to describe the sadness I feel. But, there is nothing I can do about it. They are just gone.
This incident led me to think about my past and present. Since B has been in my life, I've snapped a photo of him daily. He changes every single day. It's hardly detectable when I see him everyday, but when I scroll through my photos, I am overwhelmed at how much he has changed...and me along with him. Change is happening everyday of my life. Three months into motherhood and I feel like a different person. The person I was in 2013 with half of the year in photos missing is not the same person I am now in 2015. It's all sounds so symbolic doesn't it?
I may not have all memories saved through photos, but that doesn't make the experiences any less special. Words will have to paint a vivid picture of the past. When Brandon is old enough, I can tell him all about certain adventures and ideals I had. Perhaps he can carry through what I couldn't.
I bring all this up now as I'm feeling quite nostalgic as of late. I see so much potential with Brandon and his future and I become overwhelmed with how much anticipation I have for him. The excitement I once felt when I was a kid - knowing there were many adventures in my future - is something he'll feel when he's old enough. I only hope to instill in him guidelines that he can refer to in order to make the right choices for his life.
I knew becoming a parent would change me but I never realized how much it could change my outlook on life and the different perspective I have on things. Life is bigger than me and my everyday worries. Life is short. Although I mourn the loss of the past (photos), I have so many more memories to make. And maybe I'll capture those memories digitally, but if I don't then that's OK, too.