June 30, 2015

Reality Check

Well, hello there! As you have noticed, I placed my blog on a break to tend to this new baby of mine (AKA: Brandon). I didn't have a plan as to how I would handle writing a blog while focusing on a baby. This especially became clearer when Brandon decided to enter the world earlier than anticipated. For me, it turns out that the answer is to do one thing at a time. If I cant do what I want to do well then I need to wait until I can. I didn't want to do either only partially well. Since having Brandon, I have mustered all my tired energy and efforts towards Brandon and I have unplugged from all aspects of work.

Now, I'm feeling more and more like myself so I thought I would gain traction again with an update. Are you ready? 'Cuz it's a long one...

originally posted on IG

As of tomorrow, my little one will officially be two months old. Cray-zee! I have a two month old already? Wasn't it just last week when I wrote that I had a baby? And wasn't it just yesterday when I posted he turned one month? Like so many parents before me, I gained one of the biggest loves of my life but I have lost all sense of time.

So far, motherhood is all that people have described it to be PLUS more. There is plenty of the good, the bad and the ugly. When Brandon is good, he's fabulous. I can ooh and aah over him with the best of parents. I love seeing how much Brandon has grown. He has an intoxicating baby smell that I wish I could bottle up and save. I love seeing my husband with Brandon and hearing them have their own conversations. And I love the sounds Brandon makes as he discovers more of the world around him.

Yet, there is a dark side. 
I can get a bit bitter when he decides to wake up RIGHT after I set him down to sleep. I get annoyed that sometimes all I feel like is a "milk lady" to his constant feeding. My heart breaks when I see him in pain (as he was recently diagnosed with baby acid reflux). We have done more laundry for Brandon than we have done for ourselves. And when he's fussing and crying and both the husband and I have tried the usual suspects (wet diaper? No. Hungry? No.) to no avail? That's when the true test of patience and endurance comes into play.

 originally posted on IG (1, 2, 3, 4)

Over the last two months, I have accumulated a ridiculous amount of photos on my iPhone. I am now one of those people whose phone is filled with baby photos. I have taken a photo each day since Brandon entered the world. My phone is nearing its capacity (again!). People thought I took a lot of photos before...wait until they see what I have now.

Parenting is tiring.

I am tired. My husband is tired. Tired takes on a whole new meaning with a newborn. I thought I was tired when I was a student cramming endless statistics into my head so I could write my in-class midterm paper or staying up all night for last minute study sessions for a final exam the next day. I thought I was tired when I had to start waking up earlier when I changed jobs that had an earlier start time at the office. Nope. None of those nights compare to parenthood. As my husband jokes, "sleep is for the weak."

Zoe Saldana said it best when she said, "I'm a woman now. My body has changed forever. It's softer...and stronger." Yup, it sure is. Giving birth is unlike anything else in life. There is no comparison that I can give to describe the experience. (My birth story coming soon!)

Although I am embracing my role as a mother, I miss my routine pre-baby. Of course I don't miss the stress of a bad day at work but I miss the day to day grind, the silly conversations with co-workers, my morning cup of coffee as I sat at my desk, and even my drive to and from work where I had that small window of time where it was just me.  

What it comes down to is missing parts of me that I understood and that I was confident about. I knew how to do my job well and I knew how to have a work and life balance that worked for me. Now, I have a new role as a mother but it's a role that I am unfamiliar with. 

Despite all my reservations about motherhood, I am learning everyday and (hopefully) getting better each day, too. I'm finding pockets of time to do things for me and balancing time for baby and time for a life outside of baby. Above all else, I am discovering what works for me and tuning out what I think I should be doing because of what I read or see. I'm trying to trust my own instincts.

Have you ever heard that babies have different cries? And that as parents, you will learn your baby's cries? To be frank, I thought this was just what parents said to each other to make themselves feel better. But, I stand corrected (for the most part). After getting to know Brandon for almost two months now, I can tell when he's screaming because he's tired, when he's angry or when he's hungry. I'm not always right but there's something to be said about decoding your baby who speaks a different language. 

However, there are days and nights where he just screams and I can't tell what the eff is going on. Those moments are extremely exhausting and frustrating. Minutes feel like hours and you wonder if the end (of his screams) are near. No one Instagrams those horrifying hours. No one.

As you can tell, there is a lot of good mixed in with the bad. Parent life is wonderfully challenging. It's not glamorous. It's not easy. I love meeting other newbie parents who understand that #thestruggleisreal. It's like a secret code only we know. We look at each other and either say "oh, I remember that" or compassionately say, "it will get easier." Being a parent is unlike anything else I've ever felt or been a part of. The concept of how difficult parenting is is understandable but there's nothing like the actual experience. I suddenly have different conversations with friends who have been parents before me. It's a bond that I didn't realize could happen.

Life with baby is all consuming. Sure, life is not as convenient as before. We can't stay out past a certain hour. We can't make plans in an instant. And sometimes eating together while baby sleeps is not as simple as it sounds. But, we have this wonderful baby that has bonded us together. 

So, that's where I'm at lately. Taking things in day by day and discovering more each day about what it means to be a parent and how to live a new chapter in life as an expanded family. 


  1. Lovely photos!
    As I can see you look more exhausted than the baby ;)


  2. So wonderful to see you and your new family member here Nancy : ) He is growing like a weed already.

    I always look at those that choose to have children with awe. They are so very much work.

    I'm impressed you've managed to post at all. My sister basically didn't sleep for a year after her second baby. She tells me some 8 years later she is still trying to catch up on her sleep. LOL


  3. Such a cute baby!! U look awesome!!
    Hope u enjoy every moment with your cutie!!

  4. Aw, your baby is sooo cute! I didn't have kids so I can't tell ya it'll get easier .. but apparently it does :-) Hang in there.

    Monica, www.pear-shaped-gal.com

  5. It sure looks and sounds like every day is an adventure with baby Brandon but that's what makes life interesting right ;) What a precious little cutie!

    Rowena @ rolala loves

  6. Oh my gosh, Brandon is adorable!! I loved this little life / baby update! Hope to see more of these! :)

  7. Such beautiful pictures. Parenthood is such a great thing, watching them grow everyday is always amazing. Enjoy these moments, the seriously do grow up way too quickly.


  8. I absolutely LOVE and ADMIRE your honestly about becoming a mother. Now, I'm not yet a mom so I can't relate of course, but I just cannot stand when women proclaim that it's all perfect, all the time. Yes I can only imagine the love and that pure joy that being a mother brings, but nobody really talks about the lack of the sleep, the constant tiredness, and the constant worries of being a mother and caring for another human being. It must feel so daunting at times! I really love how you're describing it though, and you are no doubt doing a wonderful job. He is adorable!

  9. He is the cutest!! Thank you for sharing this lovely post!
    xx Elle

    New post on:
    www.cherryblossomstreet.com - Swedish Fashion Blogger and Model in TOKYO

  10. i am missing your posts but totally understand!!! your baby boy is soooooooo cute!! spend time with him and enjoy!!

    Sandy a la Mode

  11. brandon is such a stud! very cute pictures!

  12. What a cutie! Glad you took a break to enjoy your time with your new little guy.

    Shae @ Current Habits

  13. I love this update! Thanks for sharing. You really are one of my favorite bloggers because of your way with words. Such a beautiful post. I love this line, "What it comes down to is missing parts of me that I understood and that I was confident about." I anticipate this is exactly how I will feel. It's hard to venture into uncharted territory. From this post, I am confident you are a good mom. Being a good mom has nothing to do with having all the right answers and more to do with having the love to be tired and unsure and keep going anyway. Keep loving anyway.

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

  14. It's cliche but so true--time totally flies with your kids. One minute you can't believe that you have a two month old, the next you can't believe you are seeing your kid behind a steering wheel! You are a good mama--it is all about ups and downs. But most of the time the ups totally outweigh the bad. I really love all your updates and pictures!

  15. Beautiful photos and I love love love your style of writing! Keep it up!

    Môj BLOG /KLIK/

    PS: Follow for follow? I always follow back !

  16. Thanks so much for sharing your experiences as new mother :) It sounds like it's not all sunshine and butterflies but is also all totally worth it. Brandon is such a cutie! Happy 2 months to him!


  17. he is adorable :) and the photo of you and brandon sleeping - you both look so alike! xx happy 2 months~

  18. Aww, Nancy- he's so precious!! My sister is a new mommy as well (my niece is 3 months old) and it definitely is a tough job, but at you gain confidence (and baby starts to smile and sleep more, heehee), it becomes a more and more rewarding job every day. Congrats again to your family! xo



  19. I just nodded along to everything you wrote! It is so honest and TRUE! That's why I told you before that I don't know how other moms did it where they just went right back on with their blogging life as if nothing happened. It just didn't make sense to me. The first 6 months are painful and incredible at the same time. But it will get easier. I promise. But those first 6 months are also the reason why we stopped at 1! LOL. I can't do it again. Haha! Brandon is soooo adorable and he looks so big already. Can't wait to hear about your birth story! <3



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